


Hopeless

by barnesdeservedbetter (steveharringtonofficial)



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-13
Updated: 2017-12-13
Packaged: 2019-02-14 08:35:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13003914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/steveharringtonofficial/pseuds/barnesdeservedbetter
Summary: REQUEST: can you do a oneshot where i have feelings for bucky, but he’s into other girls and he’s too oblivious to see? and then once i tell him or whatever he says he’s not into me in ‘that way’. then basically me being heartbroken… i really want to cry!





	Hopeless

You had lived with Bucky for a couple of years now. You were the only person other than Steve that Bucky would speak to after he was brought to the Avengers. Most of the other Avengers lived in the high-tech facility that had been built for the Avengers, but you found it too invasive. You liked the feeling of “home” and so you stayed in the surrounding area. It was still close by, however, you felt you had more privacy. You saw how uncomfortable Bucky was in the facility, so you invited him to stay in your spare room. In the few years you had known Bucky, you developed quite the crush on him. You never knew how Bucky felt about you, though. He was always getting girls’ numbers and paying attention to what seemed like everyone but you.

“Hey, [Y/N]!” Bucky called out to you after he came in through your front door. He locked it behind him before coming over to sit next to you on the couch.

“Hey, Buck,” you smiled at him before dog-earing the page you were on and setting your book down on the coffee table in front of you.

He had been out doing some things with Steve, they did that every Thursday night and most of the time Bucky would come back with a new story about a girl.

“So, where did you guys go today?” You asked him, turning on the couch to look at him properly.

“We went to a bowling alley; I haven’t been to one of those in years! They haven’t changed that much.” He pulled out his phone, flicking through to find the photo album. “Look at how many strikes I got! Steve was not amused that I won.” He laughed to himself while swiping through some more photos.

“Well, I have heard you’re a pretty good shot, Buck.” You smiled a warm smile at him before picking up your mug and drinking out from it.

Bucky smiled back at you, a thing that always made your heart melt. “There was a small arcade there, too. Steve and I were competing to see who could get the most out the grab machines.”

“Looks like you didn’t get anything then,” you gestured to his empty arms, then resumed to drinking your coffee.

“Oh, I won one thing. This stuffed bear. But I gave it to this cute girl who was eyeing me up the entire time.” Bucky smirked.

Here he goes again, you thought.

“Was she nice?” you asked out of politeness, though you really didn’t care a bit.

“I didn’t really speak to her that much. She gave me her number before she left, though. Her name is Hannah.” He briefly showed you the contact file he had for this “Hannah” on his phone.

“That’s a pretty name,” you said bluntly. Of course you were happy Bucky was welcoming people talking to him now, but you wished he’d welcome you in the same way.

“Yeah, she’s really pretty,” he smiled down at his phone longingly.

You sighed and got up from the sofa, you had finished your coffee and so you went to make another one.

“Make me one, please?” Bucky called from his spot on the sofa.

“Sure,” you answered. You came back through, a mug in each hand. Bucky took his from you, thanking you as he did so.

* * *

It wasn’t much later when Bucky asked you, “what’s wrong?”

“Oh, nothing,” you replied, your eyes fixed on your book you had picked up once again. You couldn’t read it, though, your mind was in a haze.

“You haven’t moved from that page in 5 minutes, [Y/N].” He took the book from you, placing it pages down on the table. “Is something bothering you?”

You were really thinking about Bucky. How he made you feel. It was bothering you, all the girls he seemed to notice and yet you weren’t on that list.

His blue eyes pierced through you, his gaze unfaltered. You fidgeted in your seat, wondering what to say.

“I was just thinking about something,” you finally said, and it wasn’t a complete lie either.

“About what? You know you can tell me anything.” Bucky’s voice was soft, calm. It ran smoothly like warm honey.

“Anything?” you weren’t sure whether you should tell Bucky how you really felt or not.

“Of course, you’re basically my best friend if you leave Steve out,” he laughed gently.

You took a deep breath, trying to ease your nerves. “What if we were more than friends?” you finally asked.

“More than friends?” Bucky repeated as if he couldn’t comprehend the question.

“Yeah, more than friends.” You instantly become more worried than you already were.

“I- I’m sorry, [Y/N], but,” he paused, furrowing his brow in frustration. “I don’t think of you that way.”

Those seven words hit you like an arrow to the chest. You tried comprehending his salty words in your head. You knew it was a bad idea from the second you let your question roll off of your tongue and now you know why.

“Oh,” was all you could manage to say. “That’s okay,” your voice was quiet, trying not to show how hurt you really were.

“You weren’t being completely serious were you, you were just joking right?” You could see Bucky was trying to make excuses for the guilt he was probably now feeling. “There’s no way - you’re way too good of a friend to see me like that anyway, right?”

There was a lump growing in your throat, forcing you to want to burst into tears. But you couldn’t do that, not to Bucky. He was your best friend after all, what were you thinking?

“Just a joke, yeah.” You were short with him, but at least you got words out. Silence would be worse.

“Okay… Okay, good.” Bucky returned to his phone however he seemed lost, not quite sure what to do.

You didn’t want to be around him any longer right now, so you quickly said goodnight to Bucky and threw yourself into your room. Back against the door, you slid to the floor, tears already forming and starting to trickle down your cheek. How could you be so stupid? As if Bucky Barnes, the world’s most attractive person would ever like you back. He was just so nice to you, so sweet, it was hard to read his actions other than affection for you. He’d always hold the door, or call you “doll” yet maybe this wasn’t specific to you.

You heard your phone buzz, with Steve’s name flash up on the screen. You picked it up, swiping to answer the call.

“Yeah?” You said, trying not so sound like you had just been silently bawling your eyes out.

“Are you okay? Bucky told me what happened, I wanted to make sure you were alright.” Steve genuinely did sound worried about you.

“Yeah- yeah, I’m fine.”

You heard him sigh on the other end of the phone. “You don’t sound ‘fine’, [Y/N].”

You sniffed, realising how awful you probably do sound. “I’m just coming down with a cold.”

There was a pause, both you and Steve not knowing what to say.

“Don’t take it too much to heart, he never really was good at liking people he was close to,” Steve finally said.

“Yeah, that makes me feel a whole lot better.” The sarcasm in your voice was rather overwhelming. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that.” Tears started welling up in your eyes again.

“I understand, it’s okay. You can talk to me if you want.” Steve was always so welcoming to you, always wanting to help you.

“It’s just, he’s so amazing, you know? He’s, like, everything I want in a person and yet I can’t have him. It’s so unfair, Steve. I thought I could have something good for once.” You were crying again now; you didn’t even know if what you were saying was intelligible.

“I know what it’s like, not being able to have the person you want. Seeing Peggy after 70 years and not being able to be with her was the worst, but this isn’t about me. Maybe you should get him to move out? I have a spare room he could take now, anyway.”

“I- I don’t know. I still want him around.” You probably sounded like some soppy teenager.

“Is it really for the best, though?”

“I guess not.”

“Okay, well. I’ll leave you for the now. Call me if you need anything.”

“Yeah, thanks, Steve.” You hung up the phone, still sitting on the floor at the door.

Tears had stained your cheeks, yet you still felt like you needed to cry. You pulled yourself off of the floor, turning off the light in your room as you stood. Lights from the city twinkled outside your bedroom window. You had the room with the balcony, which wasn’t used often but the cool midnight air would do you good, you thought. Opening the glass door, you felt the cold breeze and shuddered, rain pouring down gently. The plastic chair that stood lonely on the concrete was soaked but you sat on it anyway, leaning on the balcony with crossed arms. The sound of a knock on your bedroom door was distant through the noise of the city below. It left as quickly as it came but its echo stayed with you.

“James Buchanan Barnes.” You whispered to yourself. “Why was I so stupid to think you’d fall for me?”

Sirens answered you in the distance, leaving you to soak in the midnight rain.


End file.
